If you read my post last week, you could probably tell I feel unsettled. Mostly because i began the third paragraph stating that. With a week gone by, not much as changed. Although I did get a new mattress yesterday and slept REALLY well last night ;)
Lately I have been feeling lost, as if I am just going through the motions of living day by day. Going to work, going to class, going home and hanging out with friends. The normal day by day things. I thought that working a normal 8-5 job would give me the consistency in my life to be able to come home, pick up my guitar and write more. But lately that has not been the case.
While chatting with my mom over FaceTime, I found myself in tears. At this point in my life, I feel as if I am not anywhere close to pursuing anything that is close to what I feel like I should be doing. Yes I have a job, I have a roof over my head and GREAT friends, but I still feel lost.
I think most of what I am feeling, is due to stress. I have a really stressful 8-5 job that sometimes I feel like I can’t walk away from and take a break. After chatting with my mom more, I came to the realization that I am not really doing anything that helps relieve my stress. Yes, I exercise 3-4 times a week and when I am not really stressed I eat right. But my biggest stress reliever when I was working at Apple and when I was in college was music. I would just pick up my guitar and play anything. I would find new songs to cover and even try to write something every now and again. But now, I either am doing homework or am way to tired at the end of the day and do something mindless like watching TV or a movie.
After hearing some hard truths from my best friend Veronica, I called my mom and that’s when the tears started. My mom said “Look you need to do the things that give you life. Sometimes that means you need to make yourself be alone to do those things, which I know is hard because you love to be a social butterfly.” This was the main thing that stuck with me.
Last week I posed the question, how do you truly let go and let God take control? I am still search for that answer and probably will for a long time. I am the type of person that needs to have a plan of where I am going to go next. I have a hard time, letting go. Always have.
This week, I am thinking about what gives me life. If I were to go with my gut, it would be music.
I am hoping to learn to let go more and pursue those things that give me life.
This is a picture from the last show I did,. Which will be 3 years ago on April 28th. I remember being so nervous, thrilled and happy to be playing for people. I hope I can get back to that feeling sometime soon
- 9:29 PM
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